Demons
by MortalShadowhunter
Summary: "The world is a hateful place; it is also unfair and dark and stained with the mournful wails of the dying. I hate the silver boy, so I tell myself, but some part of me softens inside and I let him in." In the midst of a hateful world, Will finds that he has not been broken beyond repair, but merely needs to learn to mend his wounds.


**Author's Note: Sorry guys. I tried, but this one is not nearly as good as the other one.**

**Song: Demons by Imagine Dragons**

**~~Will~~**

When the days are cold  
And the cards all fold  
And the saints we see  
Are all made of gold

Hate is a strange thing. The more it is kindled, the less it is needed to fully blaze.

The world is a hateful place; it is also unfair and dark and stained with the mournful wails of the dying. I hate the silver boy, so I tell myself, but some part of me softens inside and I let him in. He is innocent, something that I will never be. I am too stricken and hateful for such a pure thing like innocence, yet he looks at me as if I am the only star in the sky. He looks at me like I am a child that has lost too much and loved too little. Maybe he is right, but I find me hating myself too much to be that forgiving. When he first realizes how bitter I am, he just shakes his head.

"You will never progress with that sort of pessimism." He says, his silvery eyes glinting.

"I don't care." I spit, my voice sharp with sourness.

He doesn't flinch. "You should."

**~~ooo~~**

When your dreams all fail  
And the ones we hail  
Are the worst of all  
And the blood's run stale

Hate has shaped me. I am not who I was before.

Jem doesn't seem to mind, though he hides the hurt in his eyes. I pretend not to care about him, I convince myself that I don't care for him, and I try to make him hate me. He can't ever bring himself to hate, though. He is too good for such mortal and sinful gestures. We are not alike. Not alike at all. The fearful hate that grips my mind for life is agonizing, for I realize that I am no longer pretending. At night, he comes into my room, holding a candle in one hand.

"Are you alright?" He asks, his mouth slightly ajar.

"Go away." I snap, my eyes edged with hate. "I don't need you."

But he sees right through me. "Yes, you do. You are afraid."

"As if." I say savagely, but I ignore he is right.

**~~ooo~~**

I wanna hide the truth  
I wanna shelter you  
But with the beast inside  
There's nowhere we can hide

It is confusing to hate someone so pure.

It is not his fault that I have a curse. It is not his fault that I was an insolent child. It is not his fault that he is treated so poorly. Despite the lashings I give him in anger after every session of training, he merely stands and watches, little hurt passing in his eyes. When I am done with my rants, he merely sighs, his silver eyes growing dark. I hate the way it is comforting when he takes my wrist and tells me that I am progressing just fine when I know I am not. After a long while, he releases my wrist, stepping back.

"Why do you keep trying to fix someone so angry?" I wonder aloud, my expression softening.

"You are shattered shards worth fixing."

I want to tell him that I am useless. I want to say that, because of my curse, he can never fix me, but I just narrow my eyes. "I doubt you can complete such a task."

He smiles. "I shall endeavor to prove you false."

**~~ooo~~**

No matter what we breed  
We still are made of greed  
This is my kingdom come  
This is my kingdom come

The hate is being dragged away.

I realize after time that I can't hate him. He is the only one who has faith in me. He is the only one who has faith in who I am. I remember what it is like to love and, though it comes slowly at first, I forget what it is like to hate. He is as much as me as I am of him and I offer him something very simple, and yet complex. To my dismay, he shakes his head but I do not know why.

"To become parabatai is an honor," Jem says softly, "but for your sake, I must refuse."

"I am determined. "Please. You are my friend." I say adamantly.

He smiles slightly as if he has sensed my love for him. "You are like my brother. I cannot fathom hurting you."

"Hurt me, break me, kill me. It would be an honor to die by your hand."

Jem laughs. "You have a lively and devoted heart."

**~~ooo~~**

When you feel my heat  
Look into my eyes  
It's where my demons hide  
It's where my demons hide

I am forgetting what it means to hate and I am glad of it.

He tells me that he thinks I am more, and I believe him. He is all light, while I am all dark, but he is still trying to help. He is always trying to help; that is what makes him so light. Hate, I realize, is a petty illusion that can be conjured as the strongest of barriers, but broken with the smallest of cracks. Somehow, Jem has edged himself through the wall I have created and broken through the lies, the defiance, and the hate. I want to let him in, but then I realize that I love him and that he loves me.

"Don't. Don't come in." I say when he opens my bedroom door.

He only has a little bit of confusion in his eyes. "Alright." He moves to leave, but pauses. "If you require any assistance or anyone to talk to-"

"Leave." He doesn't realize that his life depends on it.

**~~ooo~~**

Don't get too close  
It's dark inside  
It's where my demons hide  
It's where my demons hide

The hate that barrels into me like a train is startling and horrifying, only then, it isn't for Jem.

Red is everywhere. It is around me and on me. The very star that I use to navigate at my darkest is dwindling; I can see it in his eyes. I am lost, so I stay where I know is home. I don't leave his side for a very long time, and when I do, it is only to get him more of his medicine that he hates. I was wrong about him. There is hate in his eyes when I talk about the drug. It is very clear that he believes he is dying.

"You are going to be alright." I tell him, my voice cracking.

"Liar," is all he says. He coughs. More red.

I hate the drug as well, but it is what keeps him alive. "You are going to be alright." I repeat. I hear a voice that says, _liar_. It isn't Jem who says it.

**~~ooo~~**

At the curtain's call  
It's the last of all  
When the lights fade out  
All the sinners crawl

The hate is rekindled like a familiar fire.

I welcome it as I shield Jem from the outside world. I want to hold onto him and tell him that he can never leave, but no matter how tightly I cling to his wrists, I only leave bruises that remind me that I am ugly inside. The purple smears that decorate his wrists and the red spots that cling to his sheets remind me that I am failing. I hate myself again. Except that hate is hot and burning like lava and it sears my soul, carving my existence into the world like a scar in the earth. Dying will lessen the hate. Dying always fixes things except for Jem. I deny that he is dying because a world without him would be built off hate and a world with hate will never survive.

"You are so quiet." He murmurs, touching my cheek lightly with one finger.

"I am scared."

"So you admit it."

I sigh, my eyes heavy with exhaustion. "You need rest."

**~~ooo~~**

So they dug your grave  
And the masquerade  
Will come calling out  
At the mess you made

Hate is too tiring to do.

I am losing myself. He tells me to let go of the hate, but then I will let go of myself. I will let go of that very person that I have been ever since I have been ever since I was cursed. I cannot abandon hate. If I do, nothing will be left of who I am. When he tells me that he has given up, I hate him for a subtle moment. It is painful to hate something that you love so dearly, but I am afraid I have already lost the ability to love. Once something is lost, it can never be regained. I don't remember what it feels like to love something tenderly. Hatred and fire is all I have inside.

"You are too harsh." Jem whispers, his hand reaching for mine.

"I am scared."

"Because you have learned to love?"

"No," I say, "because I have forgotten."

**~~ooo~~**

Don't wanna let you down  
But I am hell bound  
Though this is all for you  
Don't wanna hide the truth

Hate is lessened by love and flared by grief; both of which I have too much of.

Feelings are complicated things, and I cannot control them. He says I am violent, but he doesn't mind. He is patient. He is always patient, even when I come back to him with drunken thoughts and sadistic means. He is still accepting when I violate virtues and spend my days stealing from others, hoping to regain what I have lost. I am searching and looking everywhere, but I do not know how I can find love when I myself am lost. My North Star is fading, but I pretend it is still bright.

"Where do you go at night?" Jem inquires, his eyes big and sad.

I wipe my mouth. "No where."

He can smell the alcohol. "Will you stay with me?"

I hesitate before I answer. "Yes." A voice in my head whispers, _liar._

**~~ooo~~**

No matter what we breed  
We still are made of greed  
This is my kingdom come  
This is my kingdom come

Love and hate have blurred together. I cannot distinguish between the two.

The curse. The curse that I have let guide my very life turned out to be a farce, a fake, and now I don't know who I am. I used to believe that I was hateful, but now I cannot even do that when I have nothing to hate except myself. I am lost. I love him and I don't want him to die. I know that he will live. He must live, for me, now that I am free. However, he just looks at me with a heavy look in his eyes.

"I will not recover." He mumbles tiredly.

"You will." I insist.

He shakes his head slowly. "The drug is gone."

For a moment, I can swear the world stops spinning.

**~~ooo~~**

When you feel my heat  
Look into my eyes  
It's where my demons hide  
It's where my demons hide

My

**~~ooo~~**

Don't get too close  
It's dark inside  
It's where my demons hide  
It's where my demons hide

Life

**~~ooo~~**

They say it's what you make  
I say it's up to fate  
It's woven in my soul  
I need to let you go

Is

**~~ooo~~**

Your eyes, they shine so bright  
I wanna save that light  
I can't escape this now  
Unless you show me how

A

**~~ooo~~**

When you feel my heat  
Look into my eyes  
It's where my demons hide  
It's where my demons hide

Lie

**~~ooo~~**

Don't get too close  
It's dark inside  
It's where my demons hide

What is hate?

Jem has taught me to love. I realize that, as lost as I am, he has changed me for the better. But now, I feel powerless. His life is slipping through my fingers. His eyes are a bright silver. His breathing is hitched. I don't know what to do without him at my side, but rather, poised delicately in my hands. As he open his eyes, I notice he looks stronger than he has been in a long time, but a cough racks his slender body and my hopes fall like defeated waves. His hand raises to push my hair back, his voice weary, but firm.

"You are more than just a friend. I am glad I knew you."

"Don't speak as if you are already dead."

"I will always have faith in you, William."

I can't help it, but there are already tears slipping down my face. I wipe them away hastily. I can't show that I am weak. I don't feel like myself anymore. The hate, I realize, is gone. His hands close around mine and we don't say anything. I love him like I love my soul, another thing he has taught me to love. When he finally does let go of his final breath, I feel part of myself die with him, like a scar across my heart, but I know that I will mend.

Just like I have mended all my wounds.

**~~ooo~~**

It's where my demons hide

**Author's Note: If you liked this one, check out my story Bleeding Out. :)**


End file.
